weee, getting back into the swing of blogging. (: i have some things i would like to announce!

• i have a twitter. and i have no friends and it is lonely, so if you don't have one, get one! and if you do have one, lets follow each other! HERE is mine!

• i tried a new minimalistic layout because i was getting tired of my busy ones too quickly. comments/suggestions?

• has anyone seen year 1 yet? it came out in theaters today and i am curious as to whether or not all the humor in it was all in the previews or not. heard some mixed reviews. & HARRY POTTER VI IS COMING OUT IN JULY SOON! but does anyone know the actual release date? 'cause i have heard july 15th & july 17th. make up your mind peeps.

• i have had a ton of trouble in the past with getting majorly spammed by 'bots with cutenews, and i still can't figure out how to add a capatcha - i was able to add one, i mean- but it isn't required that you fill it out for the comment to post. we'll see how it goes.

kay, i think thats it! happy summer~!

ugh. i hate human emotions. and how small interactions can change everything. why does so much have to be held in secret all of the time? why isn't it okay to just let go of everything and fall? that is all i want to do, but i keep being held back, or holding back because i am trying to please.

i wish i could pull all of the emotions out of him and just lay them out in front of me. piece them together like a patchwork quilt. and then be filled with understanding. because right now, that is all i am after. i just want to understand so i can adjust. i have been so impatient lately. i don't know if he is scared, lost, angry, or doubtful. there are so many different options, and if i knew what was going on inside his heart i could help.

i think that right now he isn't ready to tell me anything... but something deep down inside of him wants to. so he is channeling everything he feels into music - an acoustic song. with lyrics. and all i want to do is listen with my entire soul and being, and search for the emotions he is putting into the song. i don't want to presume i have anything to do with it. or that i even inspired it or that it could possible be about me. because he looked me in the eye a while back and told me to my face that he would never write me a song. and i whole-heartedly meant it when i said i knew that and i was fine with it.

but i've been referring to this song as 'my song' only because i think of it as my secret gateway into his heart. i know it's silly. but when i let it slip and called it my song in front of him, he replied back with 'your song.' now i am left to ponder even further where the direction of this song is going. at first i thought that perhaps it was about his fear of being in love, or even believing in love, but now i just have no idea and it kills me. i hate ignorance. and i hate being right on the cusp of finally understanding, but still being so far away. the song isn't finished, and it is obviously hard for him to compose. i am beginning to wonder if it is something he will ever finish - or if he does, if it is something i will ever be allowed to hear.